


i'm begging for you to take my hand

by daseot



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: M/M, because i accidentally played tolerate it instead of willow, beomgyu yearner, but i need to add angst, either way, i lose my Mind over roommates soogyu daily so today i got the time to write it out, indulger perhaps, since this is a short one, soft stuff, soobin understander, soogyu is the mainstuff here the others are mostly sides, that's not a word, there is some Realization but it's mostly silent pining, your usual kissing hugging and confessing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-17
Updated: 2020-12-17
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:27:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28129113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daseot/pseuds/daseot
Summary: not exactly based on the song willow but the vibes are certainly similar. beomgyu likes soobin More than just friends and he doesn't know what to do.
Relationships: Choi Beomgyu/Choi Soobin, Choi Soobin/Choi Beomgyu, SooGyu - Relationship
Comments: 3
Kudos: 56





	i'm begging for you to take my hand

yeonjun shut the door behind him as he entered the dorms to find the members eating their dinner, and a light wisp of air that followed him sent a slight chill down soobin's neck- an occurrence which probably wouldn't have taken place if he weren't wearing nothing except the black hoodie that he always wore. it was worn down and not as thick as one would have thought, but soobin liked it. it was comfortable, to say the least, and he knew that no matter how much beomgyu denied it he did love to see soobin in clothing brought by him. 

so it stayed.

beomgyu was sitting beside taehyun, making faces as he dragged out a hidden piece of tomato from his otherwise tomato-less pasta, complaining in that long, dragged tone of his as the members chuckled softly. the younger sitting beside him accepted the tomato gratefully, eating it almost immediately as he looked up at soobin. their eyes met knowingly, and soobin glanced at beomgyu briefly before smiling and going back to eating. yeonjun and hueningkai didn't notice this small happening, being too busy discussing what to eat for dessert.

this was their dorm.

it was home.

but there was this little uneasiness that lived here too- one that isn't entirely bad but it kept him, kept _beomgyu_ up each night, making his heart race and slow down at unusual intervals, making him stare at his shoes for a good few minutes before he wore them before leaving the dorm; an uneasiness that made him play with his last bite of pasta in his plate, before he was told off by yeonjun; and uneasiness that made him scroll through his phone aimlessly as he lay in bed. this uneasiness wasn't bad, but to him it was the greatest evil in the world. it stole his piece of mind, and most importantly-

it was stealing his best friend.

* * *

beomgyu had always loved very willingly yet somehow subtly when he was back in daegu- pretending to be asleep just so that his mother would caress him softly; making a small card for his father on his birthday each year; smiling at his elder brother at the end of the day no matter how much they fought; spending time with his parrot even if it nipped at his fingers most of the times and just ..... letting each person that he truly cared for _know_ that he loved him in all ways possible, if he was too shy to put it into words.

coming to seoul to train, he wished to believe that he hadn't changed much but living as an idol, he wasn't able to be himself. he wasn't able to love the way that the beomgyu back in daegu used to love, and that made him conflicted. he loved it here, and no matter how open he tried to be- he found himself being held back from time to time, and sometimes he found ways out of it, but sometimes he just couldn't.

and now his heart had been indicating something for a while, for a good while. perhaps years too, but he'd never be able to tell. not everyone is able to tell exactly when they fall in love, specially when they're falling in love with their best friend.

the members had dispersed to their rooms after eating dinner, with taehyun and hueningkai in one room and yeonjun in his, and soobin followed yeonjun to his room to talk about something, leaving beomgyu alone to go to the room that he shared with soobin.

the boy trudged back to his room slowly, taking his time to dig his hands deep into the pockets of his checkered pajamas ..... lost in thought and carrying the same pain that he carried on any other day, but today it was feeling heavier. it hadn't been the best of days for him either, having had some trouble with the new choreography and then unintentionally having had gone off on hueningkai for making the same mistake. he did apologize later and hueningkai hadn't take it to heart, hugging beomgyu immediately afterwards to tell him that it was all good, and beomgyu hugged him back while trying to hold back the tears that had been threatening to come out from the the collective pressure from the past week.

the rest of the members had kept their distance from beomgyu, knowing that he needed some time to cool off on days like this before someone came to talk to him, and a pair of rather concerned eyes were set on him from back- and beomgyu could sense them, but he didn't turn around.

* * *

the brown haired boy chose to sit on the lower bed- soobin's- instead of climbing up to go to his own bed on the upper bunk till the elder came back. he was too tired, and the bed carried soobin's smell too. 

he didn't feel ashamed of it at all, there was no need to. it was completely normal to be this attached to your best friend, right? to sit next to them in the car on the way back home, clinging onto their arm and almost feeling like they were already home? to plan out their birthday party to your best ability, already imagining the smile it would bring on their face? to lay in bed in the dark and sing silly songs, holding hands when it thundered? or perhaps these were all just excuses ......

because he knew that he was in 'more than like' with soobin. he didn't just like soobin. he loved him.

the realization that had always being hovering over his head finally punched him in the gut as he took fists of soobin's sheet in his hands, his phone dropping to the floor as he buried his face in soobin's pillow.

beomgyu felt sad. he felt small and insignificant in this world that would probably judge him for everything about him that they didn't know about him. he felt small and very much alone, and the only one who made him feel pride in his smallness and scared times was soobin, like that one time that he lay on his chest in LA, feeling like he could melt into the bigger boy. maybe melt into him and just sit next to his heart, away from judgement and rejection.

he could just be there for soobin, but he didn't know if soobin wanted that.

as strong as beomgyu had always been, showing through his tenacity and even physically- being a good 180 cms and having excellent stamina if nothing else, he'd always felt very delicate. he needed constant assurance and it was just not possible in a situation where he hadn't even confessed yet.

the thoughts were preventing him from falling asleep right there, so he decided to pull the blanket over himself if nothing more but just then, soobin came in.

"oh, do you want to sleep here today?"

a part of beomgyu didn't want to answer. he could choose to just lay there or pounce on soobin and take his frustration out by throwing a meaningless tantrum that would definitely make soobin think that he was crazy, so he chose to answer, "hmm hyung, i was feeling tired, and i thought that i'd stay here till you come."

the elder boy picked beomgyu's phone from the floor and kept it on the table along with his own. beomgyu gulped slightly, knowing very well that soobin knew that something was off. he quickly got up, supporting himself with his elbow, running a hand through his messy brown hair as he spoke in a rushed manner, "i'll go to my bed now, hyung."

"i didn't ask you to leave though."

this was normal. this was more or less a _regular_ _occurrence_ , beomgyu thought to himself as he tried not to stare at soobin who got into the blanket with him. he'd spent countless days and nights in soobin's arms. crying on hard days, fooling around and laughing while watching dramas on good days, sleeping together for the warmth when their heater broke the last winter and when it thundered. beomgyu always ran to soobin's arms and soobin's arms were always open.

and yet he was always worried.

* * *

beomgyu forgot his concerns for a brief moment as soobin brought the smaller boy closer to his body. beomgyu was still a little cold, so the bigger boy took both of his hands in his own, rubbing them softly to warm them up while beomgyu tried his best to act normal.

he reached out for soobin's leg inside the blanket, putting his own over it to feel more comfortable, "hyung, do you have any of the bread that you baked left? i wanted some more." the words felt forced for some reason, because he knew that he was only trying to _act_ like things were normal.

soobin didn't look up for a while, waiting till beomgyu's hands warmed up properly. he then placed a hand on beomgyu's head, caressing his hair very lightly for a while as smiled at him in the usual way, yet it looked sad.

"beomgyu, are you okay?"

the younger blinked. once- twice and for a third time. panic had set upon him at the most impossible time ever, in the arms on the boy that was his home, his _best friend_ at their own dorm. he felt like he was suffocating, and no- he couldn't act anymore.

then why was he trying?

beomgyu stared into soobin's eyes for a whole minute before he answered, "hyung, i ........... i just- ........"

and before he knew it, his voice broke.

he was crying.

and like another time, like another other hard day he'd ever had- soobin hugged him without asking any questions.

* * *

the night was still young and it had begun to rain, confirming the snow that had been predicted for sometime in the early hours of the next day. the window rattled for a brief moment as it thundered twice, and a crying beomgyu instinctively buried his head further into soobin's chest. soobin felt his heart break at the sad state of the younger boy, thinking that he almost knew what this was all about, but as always- he was waiting for beomgyu to open up first.

other than the distant thunder and soobin's heartbeat right next to him, beomgyu's world was much calmer and quieter for the first time in a good while. he could just sleep right here, right now and never let go of soobin, but a greater part of him knew that if he had to say it- then he had to say it now.

so he looked up at soobin, looking into his eyes with a heart wrenching mix of happiness and courage; those eyes which had had been concerned for him since they'd first met. he was still here, he was in his arms. he knew that he wouldn't ever get rid of that giddy feeling that he always got whenever he looked at soobin up close if he didn't say it. beomgyu had a habit of distracting himself from what really bothered him by fidgeting around, which more or less explained his habit of playing around with people's hands, clothes and hoodie strings- specially soobin's.

the moment was right now, and beomgyu wished that it could stay this way forever. he could feel the words on the tip of his tongue, words that he could just never speak and then spend years regretting, wishing that he'd told the elder boy how he really felt. 

beomgyu was scared, but he didn't want to live with that regret.

so speaking in that regular, lovingly soft lisp of his, he confessed.

"soobin hyung, i love you."

_i love you._ was that enough? it took beomgyu less than a second to flip through all of his memories with soobin, playful kisses on cheeks, reassuring messages to each other's parents and their late night talks. hand in hand, their heartbeats synced. perhaps love was a weak word. but words had always been weak, thought beomgyu. the strength that one received from assurance is only possible when conveyed through actions, and through time spent together.

beomgyu didn't blink, his gaze flickering over points on soobin's face as it occasionally rested on his eyes, waiting. as always. he'd always been waiting.

and soobin had been waiting too.

holding beomgyu close to him, soobin could almost always feel the internal turmoil that the younger faced. it took a mere touch or a glance for him to check how his personal, human embodiment of the universe was doing. he'd hugged beomgyu when he was happy and when he was sad, but tonight it was something different.

tonight the stars in his universe danced around in a whimsical little formation, excited and hopeful. could he possible ignore that sign?

for soobin had always been waiting- he was a constant for beomgyu. like a willow tree he'd just- always be there. the younger couldn't image a world without him anymore. if he needed help with making his tie for school, soobin would be there for him; to help him cook when yeonjun wasn't there and to reach for a shelf that was beyond his reach.

beomgyu was a little child, who'd run around, fall and hurt his knee and at the end of the day he'd return to soobin, who was always there to tend to his wounds. beomgyu had spent too long standing by himself and finding soobin gave him that reassurance that prevented him from breaking, and having beomgyu filled the little gaps in soobin that he'd never knew existed.

so soobin held beomgyu closer, a little more closer than he usually did, letting their noses touch softly as he heard beomgyu's nervous breath before he whispered against his lips, "and i love you too, beomgyu."

for the countless playful and tearful _i love yous_ and _i hate yous_ that they had shared over the years, this time beomgyu knew. soobin's voice was less concerned this time, it was less strained and- it was free yet it carried weight. he meant it. the younger's face was blank as he tried not to notice the absolute lack of space between himself and the guy who'd been his best friend till a few seconds ago, his fidgety hands playing with the strings of soobin's hoodie as soobin caressed the small of beomgyu's back softly, lovingly.

soobin smiled softly, his gentle gaze flickering down to beomgyu's lips before he looked up again, "beomgyu, may i?"

a lone tear rolled down beomgyu's cheek, landing on soobin's pillow as beomgyu replied softly, "oh, _hyung_ ....."

and beomgyu closed his eyes before soobin's lips met his, knowing that if he continued to look at just how _pretty_ soobin was from this close, then maybe he'd start crying again.

soobin's kiss was just as gentle as his actions and his love, and beomgyu felt himself fall in love all over again.

there were small, short, soft kisses that were punctuated by giggles from both of them- having wordlessly decided that there had been enough crying for the night. beomgyu's arms held soobin's body as close as they could, like he couldn't possible get enough of him. it was just that feeling of crossing that thin boundary between being the bestest of friends and being lovers, feeling the excitement of having something new- of having something that you'd always wanted.

and for soobin, he felt something new. for the beomgyu who's always been going up and down, sometimes strong and sometimes delicate- today he felt a sense of stability in that kiss. soobin could breakdown right here, for all the times that beomgyu had leaned on him he'd known how hard it was for the younger but he'd never truly been able to do anything about it till now. he felt sorry for the ache and hesitation in him that had put the ache that beomgyu had in him, but it was all cured now.

beomgyu laughed lightly, it felt almost magical, as he reached to kiss soobin's cheek softly and the elder let him, smiling softly to himself as he felt a huge weight being lifted off himself which was now being replaced by the feeling of being loved by the entire universe.

by beomgyu.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading till the end !! i just wish to convey the warmth of soogyu to soogyuists so if you have anything to say/any inputs do tell me !! thanks once again.


End file.
